I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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