I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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