Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
home. puking in laundry basket.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
