just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize