I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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