he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize