its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
