it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
