I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
