It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
