I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
