How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
