I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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