I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
