My Higher Power is John Stamos
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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