I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
