My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
