so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
