I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
