Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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