you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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