Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
birth control should be required to get into college
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
