thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
