Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
