Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
