I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
