My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
