Don't make out with my wife yet
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize