Please, let me fuck your mom
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
