why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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