porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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