mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
