He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
