I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
