is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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