I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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