You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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