I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
