No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
