The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
