News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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