So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
