So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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