It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If I die, sorry about rent.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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