Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We smell like vodka and hangover
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