She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
