Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
my poor anus
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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