im drinking this country out of the recession.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize