I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
