you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
