we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
