Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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