You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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