sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
