my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
