HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
