i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Still dying that you shit outside
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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