we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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