physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
