dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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