Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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