areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize