trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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