the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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