I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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