Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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