uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
