I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
