did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
